Reality Check

Reality Check


I may be a big girl, but there are some who are bigger than me, and there are people struggling get up to a normal weight.

I may be the color I am, but there are some who wish to be lighter, and there are some who would do anything to be darker, even if it kills them.

I may be displeased with the way I look, but there are others who are so obsessed with beauty, they resort to desperate measures to feel beautiful...and even then, sometimes they feel it still isn't enough.

I may hate my hair, but some people have lost theirs...because they want to be healthy again.

I may not have a college degree, a car, or a lot of money...but some people are having their possessions taken away from them, leaving them homeless...and hopeless.

I'm polite most of the time...but there are others who do not care who they hurt as long as they get what they want.

I graduated from high school a year early, while others decided to give up...and there are others who have done it later in life.

My beliefs may be different, but I'm still open-minded...while others go as far as to kill those who don't believe like they do.

Some people fight within their families, while there are others who fight for their country and leave their families behind.

I'm lucky to have been alive this long, yet there are too many others who have died way too young...and some who never get the chance to breath their first breath.

I ask "Why am I still alive?" But there are those who ask why their loved ones aren't.

I may live in a very crazy world...but I'm doing the best I can. I know who I am and what I've had thrown at me.

And I've still made it this far.

So guess what?

I'm not going anywhere for a while.

I've got more lessons to learn, more people to meet and things I want to accomplish while I'm here.

The world still has a lot more to offer me, and I have more to give the world.

So bring it on, because here I come.

I'm going to take advantage of every chance I have.

Because I am me, and this is my reality.

My Favorite Authors, Fanfics and Fanfic Sites

Favorite Authors:
Sailor Mac-One of the best when it comes to Sailor Moon erotica. Her story, Love Energy, was one of the first fanfics I ever read, and it has one of my favorite love scenes of all time. She also made yaoi sexy with her Weiss Kreuz stories. Her series, If A Picture Paints A Thousand Words, inspired me to write my erotic stories in first person narrative.
Mark Berger-another great author. His story, Serena to Darien wa Love Song, was the first fanfic I ever read and that I printed out. It was also part of the inspiration for my story, Unchained Melody: Maroulis Style.
Shawn/Ozmandayus-writes the hottest love scenes. Though he has a history of controversy, he's had me hooked on his fics for years.
Other authors that have influenced me: The Yarnspinner (A New Song) and Hopeless Romantic (A Beach Encounter), Sailor Star Love (Yaten to Scandal) and Sailor Scorpio (A Little Christmas Miracle), Lady M. Harris (Chasing The Moon), Andrea Hui (The Last Dance and Always and Forever), Ivana B. Anonymous (First Night, Alive and Princess Kaguya), Amazoness Quartet (Moonlit Nights), Dagmar Buse (The Long Journey Home and Le Reve), Cheryl Roberts (Heart's Desire), and Princess Destiny (A Passionate Flame and A Promise To Return).
Favorite Fanfics
Circles of Time: Bad Guy by Jon Carp and Greenbeans
Circles of Time: The Price of Crystal Tokyo by Meara
CWF Raw Is War by Darkpower
Moon Revenge by Levar Bouyer
Lightning Crashes by John Hitchens
The Birth of Crystal Tokyo by Eylsa "Phantom" Madison
Apocalypse and Genesis-The Creation of Crystal Tokyo by Gramarye
Red Moon by Luna Sail
A Dangerous Bedtime Game by Mrs. JekyllHyde
Growing Up by White Tiger 99
Interlude by Sexylyon
Consummation by Saun
In Over Her Head and An Unexpected Song by Jai Marie
Bride of the Devil by Jennifer
Training Stephanie by Taker and Sting's Girl
What Once Was and What Will Be Again by WinchesterObsession
Dirty Little Secret by Kaelien
(Love Scene)
Picnic and I Need To Know by Amethyst Crow
When Two Are One by MusicChiller27
(Love Scene)
A Perfect World by Eternal Love Song
(Love Scene)
Innocent No More by Ice_Fyre03
Burning Hearts by David MacManus
Everything You Want by Orchyd Constyne

Fanfic links:
A Sailor Moon Romance-Hentai Stories (The site that got me hooked on fanfiction to begin with)
Observe The Viewing Globe (The ultimate Power Rangers erotica collection)
Ozmandayus/Shawn30's Works
His newer works, including Affair
His classics, including Intensity
Sailor Mac's Seventh Sanctum-One of my favorite authors of all time.
Her Sailor Moon stories that continue to inspire me to this day
Her Other Stories (She also writes fanfic for other animes too. Erlosung in the Weiss Kreuz section is one of the best yaoi stories I've read.)
Sailor Star Love's Boudoir
Her stories
Her friends' stories
Guilty Pleasures (Home of more Power Rangers erotica, including Dagmar Buse and Cheryl Roberts)
Strands of Moonlight (The Yarnspinner and Hopeless Romantic's fanfiction)
The Best Sailor Moon Fanfiction on the Net
Circles of Time series
Princess Destiny's Fanfiction
Hellsing Fanfic Archives (My sister Christine's Hellsing stories)
Dark Lord's Bride (My sister Christine's Undertaker fanfiction)

My Writing Journey

My name’s Denise and I’ll be your fanfiction writer today. I suggest you read my stories with an open mind. I’m a little out there, but I put my heart into my work. I hope it shows.

I’m just a woman who has one hell of an imagination and loves to express herself through words.

I don’t update too often because I struggle with depression and can’t focus like I want to. Just know that it takes a lot for me to sit at my desk and work on my stories, so when I do update, it’s kind of a big deal for me.

I first started writing poetry in January 1999. I did a collection of poems based on WWE Superstar, the Undertaker; the first one being “The Sacrifice". Through my writing, I met a woman whom has become a sister to me, Christine. She shared my poetry on her website, and she also had some erotic fan fiction of her own. It didn't take me long to think that I wanted to write like her. So, in April 1999, with her help, I wrote my first erotic fanfiction called “The Mistress’ Surrender". Soon I ventured on my own with my next story, “Mind, Body and Soul".

I took a hiatus from writing for several years. In 2003, I picked up my pen and began writing erotic fanfiction again, this time, inspired by American Idol's Clay Aiken. I wrote several short stories including “The Way", and the series, “You Are Heaven To Me”. He also inspired my first non-erotic drama series “Hell Hath No Fury".

In 2005, my muse changed from Clay to another American Idol finalist, Constantine Maroulis. I’ve written several one-shots, including “Me Kaneis Na Horevo", “Unchained Melody: Maroulis Style", and my new series, “When The Spotlight Fades". As far as I know, I’m the only active Constantine fanfic writer out there today.

In 2008, I had another muse, Steven Cojocaru. He inspired me to write several erotic stories, but only one has been shared with the world in “An Academy Award Worthy Romance".

Over the last few years, I've been working on 2 series based on the WWE: “A Dark Nightmare Revisited", which has grown to 3 volumes as of today, and “Damnation Arising".

What has influenced my writing?

Sailor Moon has been the biggest influence. Sailor Moon R fascinated me with the idea of Crystal Tokyo and Neo Queen Serenity, so I based my Constantine story, United By Tragedy, on it. Sailor Moon S is my favorite season of all. I’m obsessed with the Messiah of Silence. My series, Damnation Arising, is my retelling of that story with WWE Superstars.

My erotica is mostly influenced by stories featuring my three favorite relationships of all time: Usagi/Mamoru and Haruka/Michiru from Sailor Moon, and Tommy/Kimberly from Power Rangers. But I’m not picky. Any erotica that is written well with a couple that has incredible chemistry will get my attention.

My favorite “What if?” scenario of all time is the Stephanie McMahon/Undertaker storyline from 1999. I’ve always wondered what really happened behind the scenes during that time. That’s the inspiration for my series, “A Dark Nightmare Revisited”.

Several fanfics that hold a special place in my heart:

First fanfic I ever read: Serena to Darien wa Love Song by Mark Berger. Also the inspiration for Unchained Melody: Maroulis Style.

First Haruka/Michiru fanfic I read: First Night by Ivana B. Anonymous.

First Tommy/Kimberly fanfic I read: One Stormy Friday Night by Ozmandayus/Shawn.

Confession Sunday 10/15/17

Loneliness is a bitch.

I hate feeling alone and not fitting in. I've never been able to fit in in one way or another. In my family, it was because I was autistic and overweight. In junior high, I always felt more mature/smarter than my peers. In high school, I was just too different and more stuck in my fantasy world. In college, I didn't fit in with a couple of clubs I was in because I don't believe in God. Now I don't feel like I fit in in pageantry because of my atheism and my weight.

I hesitate to introduce myself to people and groups because I'm not good with rejection. I've been damaged by rejection from the day I was born, and I've been trying to heal from said damage for years. It doesn't help that every rejection I've ever had keeps replaying in my mind day after day after day, which does me no favors.

I guess you could say that I crave to belong. I crave that support that I've always needed but never received.
Being an autistic, plus size, black, atheist, mentally ill, pageant queen of a woman, I want to make friends, but it's just not easy for me. Yeah, I would like some local friends, as well as friends on the internet that I can talk to every day, not just once in a blue moon. I just don't want to sir around, trapped in my head all the time. I don't want to be the one making the first move all the time. It would be nice if more people reacted to me in a positive light instead of just running the other way.

I don't know. I'm an all around nice person with a lot of good qualities. It's just not easy as I would like it to be to make friends. But I'm willing to try.

Confession Sunday 9/10/17

How do you get someone to quit stalking you?

Easy. Change your look drastically.

My celebrity obsession did just that this week. Shaved their head straight into a buzzcut.

I. Hate. It. So. Fucking. Much.

I've always had a thing for guys with long hair, from Jason David Frank, to the Undertaker, to Shawn Michaels. Only two people have remained attractive when they'd cut their hair, the Undertaker, and this guy I had a crush on in college...though the latter actually became sexier, in his case.

Yes, I know, hair does grow back eventually. But it's up to the person owning the hair to decide if they actually want it to be long again. I sincerely and strongly hope that this person comes to their senses and realizes that long hair is part of what made them attractive in the first place.

Until then...all I have are sweet memories (photos and videos) to remind myself of a happier time. Whatever. I'll live. My heart will heal eventually.

"Who Am I?" In My Own Words

I'm Denise. I'm 37, and I'm a big girl. I'm biromantic demisexual. I'm a plus size pageant queen, the reigning America's Angelic Beauty. I'm a proud atheist, with some Satanic undertones. I'm an even prouder Capricorn. I don't work due to extenuating mental and physical health issues. I spent the better part of 10 years at community college with no degree to show for it.

I'm a part time writer, full time maladaptive daydreamer. I've been writing poetry and fanfiction for over 17 years. I'm working on several fanfics right now, including A Dark Nightmare Revisited and Damnation Arising, both of which can be found at fanfiction.net. I also do erotic fanfiction. My muses have been many including the Undertaker, Constantine Maroulis, and Steven Cojocaru.

I also enjoy cooking...and eating, reading (mostly Babysitters' Club and other erotic fanfiction), pageants, and being creative, which could mean anything from jewelry making to making signs on the computer.

Favorite TV shows include WWE Raw and WWE Smackdown, The Price Is Right, Arthur, Steve Wilkos, Jerry Springer, Diners, Drive-ins and Dives, Worst Cooks In America, The Real Housewives, Power Rangers, Rachael Ray, Ridiculousness, America's Test Kitchen, Cook's Country, Cooking with Nick Stellino, Simply Ming, Iron Chef, Mob Wives, Basketball Wives LA, Guilty Pleasures (a food show, get your minds out of the gutter), The Best Thing I Ever Ate/Made, Shahs of Sunset, Looney Tunes and King of the Hill, plus Cooking Channel and Food Network are my favorite channels.

My taste in music is eclectic. I like everything except religious music. My Undisputed Favorites playlist is filled with everything from Garth Brooks to Ren and Stimpy. My favorite singer? I'm obviously biased towards Constantine, but I also love Queen, Straight No Chaser, and Rockapella. Favorite songs include "I've Been In Love Before" by Cutting Crew, and "Fading Into You" and "Unchained Melody" by Constantine.

Obsessions? I have a few. I'm obsessed with Sailor Moon. Mainly Neo Queen Serenity. I love her crown and outfit, particularly in the original 90s anime, but I do wonder what it would be like to have people bow down to me and worship me.
I'm addicted to chocolate. I can go a day or so without it, but God help anyone that comes in contact with me on one of those days. LOL
I worship the fuck out of Steven Cojocaru. He's my idol, because he saved my life. He helped me through times when I was severely depressed and suicidal. He was going through kidney transplant ordeals, and his persistence and positivity inspired me to keep going on. I want to meet him face to face someday and thank him for being goals for my life.
WWE? Yes, please. Been hooked on WWE for over 20 years. Favorite wrestlers include the Undertaker, Shawn Michaels, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Roman Reigns and Shane McMahon. I've been to Summerslam in 2003, Wrestlemania in 2010 and Royal Rumble in 2013, plus other PPVs, Raws, Smackdowns and house shows.

When it comes to my mental health, I'm "officially" diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder. But I KNOW I have depression, anxiety, trichotillomania, dermatillomania, autism (Was diagnosed at 3), adult ADHD, and PTSD stemming from years of physical child abuse and bullying, plus an attack in 2000.
Physically, I'm fat (and ugly), plus I have asthma, GERD, endometriosis, sleep apnea, and hypothyroidism. I also have back pain that comes on when standing or walking and only goes away when I sit or lay down.

If I want anything to be taken away from my story, it would be that you can survive if you put your mind to it. I know. I'm a survivor. I'm living the best way I know how and that's through taking life one day at a time. If it happens, it's OK. If it doesn't, that's OK too. Just do your best, day by day. Try not to beat yourself up too much. Find at least one thing that brings you joy (because come on, you know you have one), but keep it in perspective. Stay grounded in reality. Life may suck sometimes, but it's the only one you've got, so take advantage of it.

My Pageant Style Bio

Who is Denise Williams?

Just by looking at her, you see a 37 year old African American woman who's on the heavy side, with a patch of gray hair on her head.

What you don't know is that this over 400 pound woman from Phoenix, Arizona is the newly crowned Ideal Ms. Angelic Queen of America 2017-18 and is also on her second reign as Ms. Beautiful International Model.

She's held over 35 pageant titles (All but one being from online pageants) over the last 16 years. Her favorite titles she has represented include Miss American Rose National Duchess, Ms. American Majesty 2010, Today's American Woman Curvy Ms. Ambassador 2013 and 2 reigns as an America's Angelic Beauty titleholder.

Her main platforms include Mental Health Awareness and Anti-Bullying. Denise has used her titles to volunteer and raise money for multiple charities, including the PKD (Polycystic Kidney Disease) Foundation, the Fairy Godmothers, NAMI, Relay For Life, National Kidney Foundation of Arizona, Make-a-Wish, American Diabetes Association, and Brain Injury Association of Arizona.

Denise was born in Queens, New York on January 11, 1980 to a crack addicted mother. She was soon taken in by a foster family who would eventually adopt her at the age of 3. Around that time, she was first diagnosed as autistic. She moved to Phoenix with her parents and older sister at the age of 10. It was when she was in 6th grade that she first encountered being bullied. The torment lasted through 8th grade, her being the target of peers and teachers alike.

At the end of her freshman year at Moon Valley High School, Denise was diagnosed as schizophrenic. During the second half of her sophomore year, she was transferred to an alternative school, Accommodation School. Working hard, Denise managed to graduate a year early and go straight to Glendale Community College where she spent the next 13 years learning various subjects and being a member of many clubs. Her resume includes several stints as President of the Exceptional Students Club, Treasurer of Drama Club, Secretary of Black Student Union and Secretary of MeCHa.

When she's not representing her titles, Denise can be found writing her various fanfiction and poetry, reading, watching WWE, Food Network/Cooking Channel and Bravo, cooking, singing karaoke, playing piano and just chillaxing.