I Don't Wish This On Anybody

I Don't Wish This On Anybody

The many racing thoughts that rush through my mind, minute by minute...

The sleepless nights laying in bed awake because nothing helps...

The continuing quest for "normalcy", to live like others I see...

The constant feeling that you're misunderstood and not being heard...

When you feel everything has to be your way, your way, or your way...

Always feeling inadequate, like you never fit in, like you don't belong...

The fear of being judged on everything you do, wear, and say...

Worrying because the slightest thing could send you into a nasty downward spiral...

Not feeling like doing anything, hiding from the world because you fear it will be a bad day to even be awake...

The constant need for distractions and fantasy because reality can be such a dick...

Bad memories and humiliating moments from the past replaying themselves at every opportunity...

Fear that your ailing body will betray you at any given moment...

Refusing to look at yourself because you completely hate the way you look...

Continuously fighting the urge to just give up and end it all...

Wondering if good things will happen because the majority of what you've experienced has been anything but...

The loneliness that comes with a lack of true friends who value you for who you are...

Questioning why in the world you're still here...

This is the life I live 24/7/365.

It's my sentence for being born...

And my punishment for still being alive.

It is pure, absolute hell.

I do not wish this on anybody.

I don't want anyone to live my life.

I want them to live theirs as best as they can.

Maybe they'll find the happiness that eludes me.

Maybe they'll find the peace that never comes to me.

Maybe they'll find the love that always disappoints me.

I wish them the best...

Because if I can't have everything I want out of life...

They should get anything they want in theirs.