I'm Not Letting Him Win

I'm Not Letting Him Win

Every day I wake up, I win.

Every breath I take, I win.

Every time I step out into the world, I win.

Every time I eat something I love, I win.

Every good night's sleep I get, I win.

When I laugh or smile, I win.

When I make others laugh or smile, I win.

When I hear a song I love, I win.

When I unleash my creativity, I win.

And that's just the everyday victories.

I've won other times too.

I got to talk to my hero, so I've won.

I met the Undertaker and shook his hand, so I've won.

I've been to numerous Raws, Smackdowns and PPVs, including a Wrestlemania, so I've won.

I've held several national and international pageant titles, so I've won.

I got to see my muse perform live once, so far, so I've won.

I graduated high school early so I've won.

As you can see, I've won my fair share of battles in this war known as my life.

Yeah, I've also lost some, but I'm still here to fight another day.

You hear that, you bitch?

I'm not down for the count yet.

I've got more battles to look forward to...

And more victories to claim in my name.

Believe me when I say I'm coming in swinging...

And I'm going to knock you down a peg or two.

You're not beating me without a fight...

And a fight is what you'll get if you continue to mess with me.

I Don't Wish This On Anybody

I Don't Wish This On Anybody

The many racing thoughts that rush through my mind, minute by minute...

The sleepless nights laying in bed awake because nothing helps...

The continuing quest for "normalcy", to live like others I see...

The constant feeling that you're misunderstood and not being heard...

When you feel everything has to be your way, your way, or your way...

Always feeling inadequate, like you never fit in, like you don't belong...

The fear of being judged on everything you do, wear, and say...

Worrying because the slightest thing could send you into a nasty downward spiral...

Not feeling like doing anything, hiding from the world because you fear it will be a bad day to even be awake...

The constant need for distractions and fantasy because reality can be such a dick...

Bad memories and humiliating moments from the past replaying themselves at every opportunity...

Fear that your ailing body will betray you at any given moment...

Refusing to look at yourself because you completely hate the way you look...

Continuously fighting the urge to just give up and end it all...

Wondering if good things will happen because the majority of what you've experienced has been anything but...

The loneliness that comes with a lack of true friends who value you for who you are...

Questioning why in the world you're still here...

This is the life I live 24/7/365.

It's my sentence for being born...

And my punishment for still being alive.

It is pure, absolute hell.

I do not wish this on anybody.

I don't want anyone to live my life.

I want them to live theirs as best as they can.

Maybe they'll find the happiness that eludes me.

Maybe they'll find the peace that never comes to me.

Maybe they'll find the love that always disappoints me.

I wish them the best...

Because if I can't have everything I want out of life...

They should get anything they want in theirs.

And The Seconds Keep Ticking

And The Seconds Keep Ticking

Tick, tick, tick...

I wonder if things will ever change.

I wonder if things will improve.

I wonder if things will get worse.

Tick, tick, tick...

I wonder when something's going to happen.

I wonder how it's going to affect me.

Tick, tick, tick...

Will I be pleased with the results?

Will I be completely devastated?

Will it inspire me?

Will it destroy me?

Tick, tick, tick...

I wish I could stop waiting.

I wish I could get the answers I need.

I wish this torture would end.

Why am I waiting for the answers...

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

When time won't wait for me?

Taking That Step Forward

Taking That Step Forward

Looking at the world around me...

All the different paths...

All leading to who knows where.

So...what now?

Where do I go?

How do I know I'm doing the right thing?

Not exactly the right time to flip a coin...

And "eeny meeny miney moe" just won't cut it.

Only one other way to go.

One step forward...then another...then another.

What do you know? I'm actually going somewhere.

I may not know where I'm headed...

And I may take the occasional wrong turn along the way.

But once I reach my destination, I can look back with pride.

It all begins with taking that step forward...

And never looking back.

The Victim No More

The Victim No More

38 years of life.

I have known nothing but abuse, pain, and suffering.

Just when I think I'm about to claim victory over my demons...

Reality sets in and I'm knocked back into despair.

I have cried and I have fought...

I have cursed their names and vowed revenge.

Yet...

I've never run away.

I've never given up.

I am not ready to admit defeat.

Because despite everything I've been through...

I AM STILL STANDING.

They've tried to bring me down...

They've tried to keep me down...

They've all failed.

Why do I still fight after all this time?

Simple.

I've got something to prove.

Not to them or to anyone else...

But to myself.

I need to win.

I have to win.

I have to prove to myself that I'm better than they are...

Better than they ever were...

And better than they ever will be.

It's about pride.

It's about victory.

It's about the ultimate revenge.

Being the one who stands up and proclaims...

"This is who I am...the victim no more."

I Love Him Anyway

I Love Him Anyway


You can laugh all you want at the way he looks, the way he dresses, the way he lives...

But I love him anyway.

You can say all the negative things you want about his lifestyle and his personality...

But I love him anyway.

You can believe what you want about his sexuality and his personal life...

But I love him anyway.

To you, he may be just another D-list celebrity, just another person with an opinion about fashion, just another man.

But to me, he is my idol, my inspiration, the reason I do what I do.

That's why no matter what...I'll love him anyway.

Reality Check

Reality Check


I may be a big girl, but there are some who are bigger than me, and there are people struggling get up to a normal weight.

I may be the color I am, but there are some who wish to be lighter, and there are some who would do anything to be darker, even if it kills them.

I may be displeased with the way I look, but there are others who are so obsessed with beauty, they resort to desperate measures to feel beautiful...and even then, sometimes they feel it still isn't enough.

I may hate my hair, but some people have lost theirs...because they want to be healthy again.

I may not have a college degree, a car, or a lot of money...but some people are having their possessions taken away from them, leaving them homeless...and hopeless.

I'm polite most of the time...but there are others who do not care who they hurt as long as they get what they want.

I graduated from high school a year early, while others decided to give up...and there are others who have done it later in life.

My beliefs may be different, but I'm still open-minded...while others go as far as to kill those who don't believe like they do.

Some people fight within their families, while there are others who fight for their country and leave their families behind.

I'm lucky to have been alive this long, yet there are too many others who have died way too young...and some who never get the chance to breath their first breath.

I ask "Why am I still alive?" But there are those who ask why their loved ones aren't.

I may live in a very crazy world...but I'm doing the best I can. I know who I am and what I've had thrown at me.

And I've still made it this far.

So guess what?

I'm not going anywhere for a while.

I've got more lessons to learn, more people to meet and things I want to accomplish while I'm here.

The world still has a lot more to offer me, and I have more to give the world.

So bring it on, because here I come.

I'm going to take advantage of every chance I have.

Because I am me, and this is my reality.

My Favorite Authors, Fanfics and Fanfic Sites

Favorite Authors:
Sailor Mac-One of the best when it comes to Sailor Moon erotica. Her story, Love Energy, was one of the first fanfics I ever read, and it has one of my favorite love scenes of all time. She also made yaoi sexy with her Weiss Kreuz stories. Her series, If A Picture Paints A Thousand Words, inspired me to write my erotic stories in first person narrative.
Mark Berger-another great author. His story, Serena to Darien wa Love Song, was the first fanfic I ever read and that I printed out. It was also part of the inspiration for my story, Unchained Melody: Maroulis Style.
Shawn/Ozmandayus-writes the hottest love scenes. Though he has a history of controversy, he's had me hooked on his fics for years.
Other authors that have influenced me: The Yarnspinner (A New Song) and Hopeless Romantic (A Beach Encounter), Sailor Star Love (Yaten to Scandal) and Sailor Scorpio (A Little Christmas Miracle), Lady M. Harris (Chasing The Moon), Andrea Hui (The Last Dance and Always and Forever), Ivana B. Anonymous (First Night, Alive and Princess Kaguya), Amazoness Quartet (Moonlit Nights), Dagmar Buse (The Long Journey Home and Le Reve), Cheryl Roberts (Heart's Desire), and Princess Destiny (A Passionate Flame and A Promise To Return).
Favorite Fanfics
Circles of Time: Bad Guy by Jon Carp and Greenbeans
Circles of Time: The Price of Crystal Tokyo by Meara
CWF Raw Is War by Darkpower
Moon Revenge by Levar Bouyer
Lightning Crashes by John Hitchens
The Birth of Crystal Tokyo by Eylsa "Phantom" Madison
Apocalypse and Genesis-The Creation of Crystal Tokyo by Gramarye
Red Moon by Luna Sail
A Dangerous Bedtime Game by Mrs. JekyllHyde
Growing Up by White Tiger 99
Interlude by Sexylyon
Consummation by Saun
In Over Her Head and An Unexpected Song by Jai Marie
Bride of the Devil by Jennifer
Training Stephanie by Taker and Sting's Girl
What Once Was and What Will Be Again by WinchesterObsession
Dirty Little Secret by Kaelien
(Love Scene)
Picnic and I Need To Know by Amethyst Crow
When Two Are One by MusicChiller27
(Love Scene)
A Perfect World by Eternal Love Song
(Love Scene)
Innocent No More by Ice_Fyre03
Burning Hearts by David MacManus
Everything You Want by Orchyd Constyne

Fanfic links:
A Sailor Moon Romance-Hentai Stories (The site that got me hooked on fanfiction to begin with)
Observe The Viewing Globe (The ultimate Power Rangers erotica collection)
Ozmandayus/Shawn30's Works
His newer works, including Affair
His classics, including Intensity
Sailor Mac's Seventh Sanctum-One of my favorite authors of all time.
Her Sailor Moon stories that continue to inspire me to this day
Her Other Stories (She also writes fanfic for other animes too. Erlosung in the Weiss Kreuz section is one of the best yaoi stories I've read.)
Sailor Star Love's Boudoir
Her stories
Her friends' stories
Guilty Pleasures (Home of more Power Rangers erotica, including Dagmar Buse and Cheryl Roberts)
Strands of Moonlight (The Yarnspinner and Hopeless Romantic's fanfiction)
The Best Sailor Moon Fanfiction on the Net
Circles of Time series
Princess Destiny's Fanfiction
Hellsing Fanfic Archives (My sister Christine's Hellsing stories)
Dark Lord's Bride (My sister Christine's Undertaker fanfiction)

My Writing Journey

My name’s Denise and I’ll be your fanfiction writer today. I suggest you read my stories with an open mind. I’m a little out there, but I put my heart into my work. I hope it shows.

I’m just a woman who has one hell of an imagination and loves to express herself through words.

I don’t update too often because I struggle with depression and can’t focus like I want to. Just know that it takes a lot for me to sit at my desk and work on my stories, so when I do update, it’s kind of a big deal for me.

I first started writing poetry in January 1999. I did a collection of poems based on WWE Superstar, the Undertaker; the first one being “The Sacrifice". Through my writing, I met a woman whom has become a sister to me, Christine. She shared my poetry on her website, and she also had some erotic fan fiction of her own. It didn't take me long to think that I wanted to write like her. So, in April 1999, with her help, I wrote my first erotic fanfiction called “The Mistress’ Surrender". Soon I ventured on my own with my next story, “Mind, Body and Soul".

I took a hiatus from writing for several years. In 2003, I picked up my pen and began writing erotic fanfiction again, this time, inspired by American Idol's Clay Aiken. I wrote several short stories including “The Way", and the series, “You Are Heaven To Me”. He also inspired my first non-erotic drama series “Hell Hath No Fury".

In 2005, my muse changed from Clay to another American Idol finalist, Constantine Maroulis. I’ve written several one-shots, including “Me Kaneis Na Horevo", “Unchained Melody: Maroulis Style", and my new series, “When The Spotlight Fades". As far as I know, I’m the only active Constantine fanfic writer out there today.

In 2008, I had another muse, Steven Cojocaru. He inspired me to write several erotic stories, but only one has been shared with the world in “An Academy Award Worthy Romance".

Over the last few years, I've been working on 2 series based on the WWE: “A Dark Nightmare Revisited", which has grown to 3 volumes as of today, and “Damnation Arising".

What has influenced my writing?

Sailor Moon has been the biggest influence. Sailor Moon R fascinated me with the idea of Crystal Tokyo and Neo Queen Serenity, so I based my Constantine story, United By Tragedy, on it. Sailor Moon S is my favorite season of all. I’m obsessed with the Messiah of Silence. My series, Damnation Arising, is my retelling of that story with WWE Superstars.

My erotica is mostly influenced by stories featuring my three favorite relationships of all time: Usagi/Mamoru and Haruka/Michiru from Sailor Moon, and Tommy/Kimberly from Power Rangers. But I’m not picky. Any erotica that is written well with a couple that has incredible chemistry will get my attention.

My favorite “What if?” scenario of all time is the Stephanie McMahon/Undertaker storyline from 1999. I’ve always wondered what really happened behind the scenes during that time. That’s the inspiration for my series, “A Dark Nightmare Revisited”.

Several fanfics that hold a special place in my heart:

First fanfic I ever read: Serena to Darien wa Love Song by Mark Berger. Also the inspiration for Unchained Melody: Maroulis Style.

First Haruka/Michiru fanfic I read: First Night by Ivana B. Anonymous.

First Tommy/Kimberly fanfic I read: One Stormy Friday Night by Ozmandayus/Shawn.